Yesterday’s yawn-a-thon did nothing to help my mood. By evening I felt a fog of despair descend over me. All I could think was ‘I feel well now, but in a week it will all start again.’ It is a truly depressing thought. And there are times when it is inevitable that it overcomes me. Last night I snuggled up to the Captain with tears coursing down my cheeks,
Me: I have to do it again.
Me: I don’t want to.
Him: I know. But I’ll hold your hand.
And with that, he dried my eyes and wiped my nose. Bodily fluids do not faze him.
Today the brain crap had lifted. I felt bright, breezy and happy once more. I had been warned that there will be times that I am struck down with miserableness. Realising it is a drug side effect is helpful.
Irritatingly this is not the only way chemo has been messing with my head. I had an email today from a company I ordered some anti-nausea stuff from during my very sicky days:
We received your order today returned in the post with a note from Royal Mail stating addressee gone away. The address which we had sent it to was: only the one I had moved away from 18 months ago!
Honestly, I thought chemo brain was something that did not happen until later so frankly, there is no hope for me.