Christmas Nipples


Tomorrow I get to spend some time with Surgical Spice again.  Since my mastectomy and LD Flap reconstruction in March 2016 I have been somewhat deficient in the nipple department to the tune of one.  My left one went the way of unwanted surgical debris and then my right one took a bit of a hammering a year later during my reduction.  However, although I now have a pair of broadly symmetrical knockers, it is still something of a surprise to only be greeted by the one nipple.  My left foob (fake boob) looks a little naked without one.

It is hardly crucial life saving surgery but I have to say I would be sorry to never have one so I am delighted that the NHS is balancing me up.  Surgical Spice is going to be creating something out of what I already have, meaning my expectations are not that high.  The phrase ‘silk purse, sow’s ear’ keeps ricocheting around my head but we shall see.

Meanwhile, having a cold and clearly too much time on my hands, I have rewritten the words to All I want for Christmas with apologies to Mariah Carey.  Sing along now!

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want a matching pair

So that when I dare to bare

My wishes will come true

All I want for Christmas is two.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

I have only one desire

That when looking in the mirror

I’ll see something to admire

I just want to be consistent

In the Bosom Category

Santa Claus please make me happy

Give me Christmas symmetry.

I don’t even want gin tipples

More than my new Christmas nipple

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is two.