I have been bad. And less than diligent in the exercise department. And now I am suffering. It will be sometime before I consider bending over backwards. Or forwards. Or any which way. Yesterday my bulging discs decided to bulge a little more and send my muscles in to spasm again. I am less than pleased with this development. Actually, I am extremely pissed off with it.
You see, I had plans. Yesterday evening was to be the first time I had made it to my book group since about June. I had woken with a migraine but with drugs and naps had managed to see that off. I did not feel brilliant but I was very determined. Then while bending to remove dinner from the grill, the now all too familiar pain exploded once more. I am so tired of having plans spoiled. Of having to rearrange my life. Of letting others down. Of being the flaky unreliable one. I just want to return to normal. Not a new normal. My old normal will do fine. I had felt like that was beginning to happen. I made my first batches of jam since March on Wednesday. I have been getting fitter and healthier and generally feeling more like my old self.
Instead of continuing this trajectory, the rug has been pulled well and truly from under me and I am back to doing hourly exercises. Pacing around because sitting is too painful. Lying on the floor when that becomes too much. And being far too tearful for the skin on my face to cope with. It all feels just a bit too much.