Breaking the Silence

hope-copy

You may have noticed the lack of posts recently.  It is not without reason.  I am really struggling with this stage in the proceedings.  I know.  Ridiculous, right?  I have finished chemo, I do not need radiotherapy, my prognosis is even good.  I mean just look at the above statistics.  There is every reason for optimism.  Every reason for hope.  And yet have I have been wading through feelings of misery.

I want my life back.  I am tired of looking and feeling like someone I do not recognise.

I am taking steps in that direction but it is going to be a slower process than I would like.  And patience has never been one of my virtues.

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6 thoughts on “Breaking the Silence

  1. It’s not ridiculous at all. I went to a counsellor when I got my diagnosis and she told me that I wouldn’t need to see her again until after all my treatment was over – I thought she was mad at the time, why would I need her once this nightmare is over?! But I think it’s once all the planning, treatment, appointments, etc are over that you really start to process what you’ve been through and all the emotions start to come out. Plus you still don’t have enough hair to fill a pin cushion, which doesn’t help on the old self-esteem front, does it?! So you’re not ridiculous, you’re not even particularly impatient, you’re just normal. x

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  2. It’s really not ridiculous at all. You struggle through a great and stressful challenge and you keep going because you have to. Then the immediate ‘stuff’ is done and then….well, it’s not all blue birds singing, is it? You’ve been, and continue to be, marvellous – a really impressive, truthful and (whether you like it or not!) inspirational women. Look after yourself and let other people look after you too. Very proud to have you as a friend xxx

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  3. Dear HelenI don’t think anyone would think it strange that you are feeling like this. You have been hurtling along on a roller coaster ride from he’ll since the start of the year, which gas meant encounters with the most extreme of emotions  and fears. I think what you are feeling is entirely normal. I have witnessed it with several other friends, and my mum, who have also had to go through breast cancer and it’s gruelling treatment.  When you are first disgnosed you are given tremendous support and have lots of contacts with healthcare and access to help pretty much as you need it, but suddenly that all is pulled away and it is as if you are put in a little boat on a big sea snd are told, “youre ok now off you go! We’re here if you need us but you’ll have to row back to shore first!” Then , on top of that, you’ve suddenly got space to think about what’s just happened over the last few months, as you try to adapt to being just you again, but wit the deep physical and emotional scars that are not openly evident to all. So, the long and short and middle of  this waffle is basically, no you are not mad, or bad for feeling like this,  it is normal, and just because you are not going through the physical aspects of treatment in the way you have been,  does not mean you are ‘over it’, the mental and emotional wounds need time to recover too, so be gentle on yourself. I am really looking forward to catching up with you soon 😊 Lots of love and prayers dear friend, God bless,Ali xx

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

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  4. I second, third, fourth what everyone else has said. You’ve been through an incredibly horrible situation and now that the physical side of things are done, the emotions that have been repressed during that time will almost certainly need to come out. Let yourself wallow for a bit and before too long I’m sure the emotional side will begin its own healing process. Keep that chin up, lady – the light at the end of the tunnel is moving ever closer…

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