This is now officially my ‘good’ week. Only I am discovering that my good week is becoming condensed into a shorter and shorter space of time. I do not much like this turn of events. I feel cheated. Generally I like compartments. It pleased me that this chemo malarkey could be neatly compartmentalised into three lots of one week: first week – yuck, second week – improving but still off, last week – good, well and generally on fair form. It is neat. Tidy. Structured. I like that. Well, not the feeling yuck bit or the ‘off’ bit but you know what I mean. Now, it is far more messy. My yuck bit is still predominantly confined to week one but my off phase has spread all over the place. It has rudely invaded week three and stomped its muddy boots right across it. Basically, I feel rubbish. And I am tired of feeling rubbish. Sick and tired of it.
I saw Ms Shrinker this week. I told her how tired I was. I believe I may have wept. This will have pleased her. Progress, she will think. She was lovely. I am very conscious that a great many people have a far rougher time on chemo than I am having but just now, I am finding it so very hard to cope. I mentioned earlier that the half way point did not fill me with glee. I still feel I have a mountain to climb. Ms Shrinker reminded me that it is not a competition. I do not need to measure myself against others. My experience is mine. Theirs are theirs. All are valid. Chemo is vile however you look at it.
My trip to Ms Shrinker finished with a visit to the Complementary Therapy team for a spot of foot rubbing. Which was a little bit of heaven. I left with two wee roller ball oil thingies: one for fatigue (grapefruit and bergamot) and another for sleep (blue chamomile and lavender). Both perfect.
This weekend I was meant to be driving to my Mum’s but I cannot make the journey. So, bless her heart, my Mum has swept down from Oopnorthshire and is visiting me. We will be making a trip to my sister’s for some more family togetherness which I am in sore need of as a change of four walls will be welcome indeed.