… Woah, livin’ on a prayer’. Thank you Bon Jovi. Truer words were never spoken. Well, not the bit about Tommy and Gina. Actually, just the chorus. Not exactly my belovéd Teresa or Julian but ‘t’will suffice
I am on something of tight schedule as any minute now I shall be poleaxed by the chemicals coursing through my veins. But just now I feel a tiny little bit jubilant. Halfway through feels significant. It was not all plain sailing today though. I nearly disgraced myself. Tears spilled and there was a danger that I would lose total control. It is weird the things that tip one over the edge. My cannula was painful. Not painful as in needing analgesia. Or needing re-siting. Just a bit sore. But that was enough. It makes me realise how tenuous my grip on control is. I did manage to rally. I know it is perfectly acceptable to fall apart. However today was not a day I wanted to. My chemo chair was in the most public position, directly in front of the main doors, and with those waiting for spaces sitting only a couple of feet from me. All very on show. I could not have even drawn the curtains around my ‘space’ without sweeping in three extra waiters. This may not have been a good idea. I did not try it. Perhaps next time I should? There may be some who would enjoy a private showing of Blubbing: How to Cry – a short sketch including leaking facial orifices. Mercifully it was all short-lived. Possibly thanks to the other song echoing round my head: Boogie Wonderland. No. I have no idea why either. But it is impossible to be downhearted for long while this is playing in your head.
Once the Epirubicin ran through my pump, I started to get palpitations. Not drastically but not altogether pleasant nonetheless. My nurse was not unduly concerned as my blood pressure was fine. They kept me an extra 45mins to be on the safe side but by then all had settled down. Bit weird though.
So now I am back home, eating delicious home cooked biscuits from a darling friend, drinking pints of rooibos tea and about to crack on with the Ally McBeal box set my sister lent me. Over and out.