Messing with my Head – Day 15


Yesterday’s yawn-a-thon did nothing to help my mood.  By evening I felt a fog of despair descend over me.  All I could think was ‘I feel well now, but in a week it will all start again.’  It is a truly depressing thought.  And there are times when it is inevitable that it overcomes me.  Last night I snuggled up to the Captain with tears coursing down my cheeks,

Me: I have to do it again.

Him: Yes,

Me: I don’t want to.

Him:  I know.  But I’ll hold your hand.

And with that, he dried my eyes and wiped my nose.  Bodily fluids do not faze him.

Today the brain crap had lifted.  I felt bright, breezy and happy once more.  I had been warned that there will be times that I am struck down with miserableness.  Realising it is a drug side effect is helpful.

Irritatingly this is not the only way chemo has been messing with my head.  I had an email today from a company I ordered some anti-nausea stuff from during my very sicky days:

Dear Helen,

We received your order today returned in the post with a note from Royal Mail stating addressee gone away. The address which we had sent it to was: only the one I had moved away from 18 months ago!

Honestly, I thought chemo brain was something that did not happen until later so frankly, there is no hope for me.


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