Today I achieved a first. I was the subject of a topless photoshoot. Thankfully the photographer did not have to stand on her assistant’s shoulders but I am pretty certain I saw her stretch to tippy toes. It was not as glamorous as I would have expected. There were no louche youths lounging. No trays of cocaine. And the champagne was conspicuous by its absence. In fact, it was all rather NHS and clinical. You could be forgiven for thinking this was more medical imaging and less page three. Ah, yes, and there it is. My reason for being there was less about my perfect rack being featured alongside a comeback campaign for the lovely Samantha’s assets and more about preserving the original to provide a pattern for Surgical Spice to work with on Monday. Apparently I get to repeat the exercise. More than once. Wonder if my lean into the camera and pout look will have been perfected by then? Seriously, I had to do this. Well, not the pout bit but the lean in bit. What was that about?
That was the end of my hospital visit today. Generally it was all about prepping for Monday. Surgical Spice was her fabulous self – I do like this woman. She talked me through the operation which is feeling larger and more complex the closer I get to it. Words and phrases like ‘catheter’, ‘two teams of surgeons’, ‘six hour operation’ and ‘week in hospital’ floated around the room while I did my best to not look like a guppy. In theory it is all good. In theory I am ok with it. In practice I am more than a little scared. I am remembering Teresa: ‘All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.’
Meanwhile, I have been having continuing problems with my node biopsy site. It has been swelling and getting increasingly uncomfortable. The skin irritation has just about calmed down but the swelling has made it difficult to put my arm by my side. Paracetamol has become necessary and I am generally just uncomfortable. Surgical Spice took one look and decided a very large needle was called for. Actually, it was really only an average sized needle but that does not sound nearly as good. What I had developed was a seroma, which is a standard complication of the surgery. Normally they are left undisturbed. Unless particularly large. And when did I ever do things by halves? Forty mls of fluid later, my arm pit was considerably more comfortable, although Surgical Spice cheerily announced that there was ‘plenty more where that came from’. She also reassured me that by Monday’s operation, the seroma would be every bit as large ‘if not larger!’ Such fun. I have to say, it is already filling steadily and is annoyingly uncomfortable. Ah well.
In other news, the kitchen creeps on apace. It may even be functioning by, ooh say mid April?