I think it is still reasonable of me to remain concerned. Thursday’s news is in no way less fabulous but reality was always going to rear its ugly cancer ridden head again. You see, I still have cancer. As yet, no one has had a good look at it. And it is far from removed. Therefore there is much that is unknown.
What I do know is that there are three separate cancerous areas within one quadrant of my breast. The worst offender, the ductal grade 3 (aggressive and invasive) of no specific type (common, in other words. How rude!), is close to my chest wall. Until I am operated on, we do not know how much of a problem that will be. To be removed successfully there needs to be a clear margin of healthy tissue around the cancerous cells. If the cancer is already on the chest wall, this will not be possible. It would immediately throw me into stage 3b, defined as ‘the cancer is fixed to the skin or chest wall with no cancer cells in the lymph nodes under the arm’. And there are only 4 stages. In this game, points do not mean prizes. Stage 4 is terminal. So going straight it at 3b would seriously piss me off.
By committing all this to the page, I am sincerely hoping that it is going to leave my brain free to think happy thoughts while I work up to sleeping. Or at least while I work up to Lying In Bed While The Rest Of The World Is Sleeping.